I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
