There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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