i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
