This is not my ceiling
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
