he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
