you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
