just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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