I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
