just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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