If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
