before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
