I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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