your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
wrigley field is MILF paradise
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
