DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
