i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
