Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
