Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
