Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
