Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
