I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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