There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
