There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
