remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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