so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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