every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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