theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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