guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
