the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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