who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
