I heard we made out
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
