Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
