those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Vodka?
Forever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
