i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
