Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
