i don't plan on having that self control this summer
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my being single is dangerous.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
