My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
