Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
