and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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