I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
