here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
