I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
