paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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