I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A bitchslap is in order.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
