I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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