..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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