We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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