You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
