My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
