She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
