I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
